This Drifting Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Year.

As we reflect on the TV landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.