Mastering the Art of Speak Romance Like Generation Z: 51 Hyperspecific Terms for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This year represents a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {